SINGLE LADIES - Let's be real!

I wonder what a girl really wants. I have spent more than my fair share of nights at the bar, listening to my guy friends agonize over a girl. Sometimes even the same girl LOL. THERE REALLY ARE GREAT GUYS OUT THERE! It is just hard to find them. Especially when in traditional American hunting, the women is the prey. Not everyone uses these same guidelines, but enough do, that it is worth knowing what the current dating trends are. 

First you have to accept that there are people looking for NSA only. There are also people who are looking for NSA and will pretend to be looking for a relationship. Listen girls . . . people lie. Both men and women lie. They lie about their intentions, about their past, about what they did last night . . . they lie. You are nothing to them. Trust builds over time. Sure you don't want to be pessimistic and have a dark view on the world. We can be positive and be real at the same time. 

People change . . . so when you come across that profile of an old friend you knew years ago, and you were so close . . .treat him with the same rules you use for a stranger. A lot can happen in a weekend, month, year, decades .  . . and people will prey on you. 

A general rule of thumb when approaching dating is to think of it as a HOBBY. You are a HOBBY DATER. This means it is something you like to do, but it does not rule your life (like a SERIAL DATER). You only date during the middle of the week, and reserve your Friday and Saturday nights for yourself, friends, or a second/third date with a really special guy.

WHY ARE YOU SINGLE?

I heard this a lot. Especially when I was a SERIAL DATER. My rehearsed response, "I am very picky and looking for something really special. I will not settle and I don't expect someone to settle for me either. I love my life and will happily be single until someone gives me a reason to not be."

THE PRINCESS FANTASY

That crazy company with the talking mouse seemed to inspire an entire century of fantasy love stories. Prince Charming is a fictional character. No one is going to sweep in and save you from everything PRETTY WOMAN. Your problems and issues prior to the relationship come right along with you. If you haven't sorted them out, and found peace in yourself, STOP DATING. It isn't fair to anyone, especially yourself. 

The bursting of the princess bubble ends a lot of marriages. Two people play "parts" in the script, and then after the wedding, after the kids, after the first real struggle, the family breaks. We need to be honest with ourselves, and our partners. Reality is that he will never live up to that prince and you will never be that princess. Newsflash, when people talk about their fantasy lives, and happy marriages etc, many are preforming for you. 

HOW DO YOU WANT YOUR RELATIONSHIP 

Think about how you want your relationship to be. Talk to couples that have been together for varying lengths of time. Each couple has their own unique relationship. Some are equal partnerships. Some are divided into "jobs," house keeper, and office worker. There are varying degrees of what you find acceptable boundaries for your partner. I love that my boyfriend asks me if I am sure I want to eat something. Other people may see this as controlling, or over the line. I struggle with my weight, and I love that my boyfriend reminds me to check myself. Something that other boyfriends would not do because it wasn't their thing. This is my choice about my relationship. It is very personal and unique to the people in the relationship.

Every relationship is a new and fresh start. Do not audition men for the role of your boyfriend. That means you have already constructed a perfect model of your boyfriend and you want to find the match to fill it. Instead, approach each new relationship as a new job in a totally new place. Stop controlling the situation and see how it unfolds. 

WHERE TO START

Start with a well planned dating profile, designed to appeal to the widest audience. The hunters will find you, and you will be ready to start the selection process. You cannot sit back and select potential dates, if you are too busy chasing down one and trying to make him fit your mold.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Dating is a mess. All these people converging like Penn Station, without a clue of where they are going. People tend to think that mouse fantasy that it just HAPPENS. That isn't true. It is work, work, work. You will work to start the relationship, to keep the relationship and to grow the relationship. Those mousey movies leave out all the details. 

+1 & SHARE ME IF YOU LIKE ME. Comment if you would like to see more articles like this. 

Guys are welcome to comment here too! 

kris10.us